Comfort zoned?

Let's start taking responsibility

“The comfort zone is a psychological state in which one feels familiar, safe, at ease, and secure. You never change your life until you step out of your comfort zone; change begins at the end of your comfort zone.”

― Roy T. Bennett

For this is, unfortunately, true! I say unfortunately because as it states in the quote above, your comfort zone is a safe and secure place and the thought of leaving it can be rather traumatic.

However there is a fantastic and rather trippy aspect to comfort zones and that is; they are rarely and almost never, satisfying.

If you are not sure whether you are in a comfort zone, you just need to look at some aspects of your life.

Let's look at your job for example – Are you in one and does it excite you? Are you progressing, developing and getting promotions? Are you earning the money that enables you to live your millionaire’s lifestyle?

Or is it getting you by? You have been stuck doing the same thing for quite some time?

There are no chances for promotion and if there are, you usually get overlooked, or you don’t put yourself forward?

Have you some really good friends there that you don’t want to lose? Does the thought of leaving scare you?

Does the thought of finding another job seem like hard work and effort? Would you rather just stick to what you know and stay where you are?

If you said yes to the majority of the latter, then I am afraid you are firmly sat in your comfort zone and if that makes you happy, well, you are perfectly entitled to stay there.

If on the other hand you moan constantly about the place, need more money, want to do better and feel slightly hard done by, listen to this because you are telling yourself that you need to do something about it!

“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.”

- Henry Ford

It does not take a genius to work this out and we rarely stop to think that what WE are doing could be the problem. How many times do you hear people say, ‘Why does it always happen to me?’ or ‘This is typical of me, the bad boys just seem to find me’, or ‘Why do I always end up with the bunny boilers?’ or ‘Why do they never give me the promotion, I have been doing this job for years! ‘or –whatever other self-pitying statements that you can think of.

If you think I am being harsh by calling them self-pitying, that is because they are - sorry.

There is an amazing book by a woman called, Susan Jeffers who wrote the book, ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’. I highly recommend that everyone read this book. I read it about sixteen or so years ago and actually think I am due to read it again. She teaches that you should never blame anything other than yourself for life’s situations and issues.

Now, of course, there will always be things that are out of your control, which is true, however, it is how you deal with them that makes the difference.

For example, if one day you turn up late for work because there are road works going on, you will probably be forgiven by your boss the first time that it happens. If however the road works are continuing for a time and each day you turn up late, your boss is going to get angry because you keep being late.

All you can do is keep apologising and state that you cannot help it, it is the road works/councils fault and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Or is there?

You could call the council and complain? See if that makes a difference?

Or, you could leave the house earlier? If the road works are going on for a week, leave earlier for a week.

What’s the worst that is going to happen?

You might have less time in the morning (get more organised in the evening) and you might be a bit tired, but you are showing that you take your job seriously and want to do your best. If I was the boss, I would really appreciate that and hold that employee in high esteem. It is a two-way street and this could always make them more flexible in the future when you need it.

If however, you are still thinking, ‘But I cannot do that as I have to take the kids to school’, whilst this is a legitimate reason, it is probably not what your boss wants to hear. Is there a breakfast club, can they be dropped off earlier to the childminder?

‘Yes’, you say, 'but this all costs money!'

Yes, it does. And if it is unfeasible, you can let your boss know that this is the situation. You can tell them that you are really concerned about the road-works and not getting to work on time. You have tried to make arrangements for the children to get in and it is going to cost you ££ which you cannot afford.

You could then advise them that you will make the hours up by staying later and if you cannot because you need to collect the children and you do not have anyone else to help you, you then ask if you can make the time up at a later date?

This may all seem like a lot of effort to go to, but it is demonstrating that you take responsibility and that you take responsibility. Any reasonable employer would look favourably on this and if really good and you have an excellent track record, they may let you off. However, if you are usually late anyway and do not really work that hard once you are at work, you will notice that your boss will not have any empathy for you when something is genuinely out of your control.

What I am trying to state is; always take responsibility for a situation. Even if it is not your doing, trying to find ways to work around a problem shows that you are pragmatic and ambitious and that goes a long way and it also stops you as a person wallowing in self-pity, wondering why the world is trying to conspire against you.

So if you are in a big fat hole of comfort, I would highly suggest you have a think and perhaps a reset about what in life aspires you and what you would like to achieve in your lifetime, and then once clear, take responsibility for your destiny and take that first step.

I promise you, it will only hurt a little bit, if at all and the good news is, every step you take makes you stronger and stronger and gets you closer to your goal.

Get to it - no excuses.