How to learn self Validation & Start Trusting Yourself

Are you constantly looking for reassurance before making a decision? Do you find yourself overthinking, doubting your choices, or waiting for someone else to tell you you’re on the right track? If so, you might be stuck in the validation trap—outsourcing your self-worth instead of owning it.

In this post, we’re diving deep into why we crave validation, how to break free from it, and how to start trusting yourself instead. Because … if you can’t move forward without someone else’s approval, you’ll always feel stuck.

Why Do We Crave Validation?

Seeking validation is normal. We’ve been conditioned from childhood to look for reassurance—from our parents cheering when we took our first steps to teachers grading our work, we learned that validation = proof we’re doing something right.

But as we get older, this habit can hold us back. Social media fuels it even more—we post, we wait for likes, and if engagement is low, we start questioning ourselves. In work, relationships, and even daily decisions, we look to others to confirm we’re making the right choice.

But what happens when no one is there to validate us? What if we’re doing something new, something outside our comfort zone, and there’s no instant feedback?

That’s where self-validation comes in.

How to Validate Yourself & Build Self-Trust

Instead of waiting for someone else to approve your decisions, here’s how you can start self-validating today:

1️⃣ Observe Your Thoughts & Feelings Before Reacting

🚀 "Not every thought deserves your trust. Pause before you seek validation."

Most people assume that if they feel something, it must be true. But emotions aren’t always a reflection of reality—they’re often shaped by our fears, past experiences, and conditioning.

📌 Next time you’re craving validation, ask yourself:

• What am I actually looking for right now?

• What do I need to hear to feel better?

• Why do I believe I can’t give myself that reassurance?

When you pause and question these thoughts, you take back control instead of letting them run the show.

2️⃣ Stop Comparing Yourself—External Validation is a Losing Game

🚀 "If you’re constantly looking at someone else’s lane, you’ll never move forward in your own."

Comparison fuels self-doubt. If you’re always measuring your progress by someone else’s achievements, you’ll never feel good enough.

✅ Instead of looking for outside approval, use YOUR values as your measure of success. Ask yourself:

• Am I making choices that align with what truly matters to me?

• Would I be proud of this decision five years from now?

• Am I acting in a way that reflects my growth?

Your values should be your guide—not other people’s opinions.

3️⃣ Train Your Brain to Self-Validate Over Time

🚀 "You don’t have to eliminate validation—you just have to shift it from external to internal."

Self-trust isn’t built overnight. It’s a skill you develop by consistently proving to yourself that you can handle life’s challenges. Here’s how:

🔹 Step 1: External Check-In – If you could get validation from someone, what would you want to hear? ("You’re doing great. You’re capable.")🔹 Step 2: Reverse It – Ask: If a friend was in my shoes, would I say that to them?🔹 Step 3: Say It to Yourself – Instead of waiting for someone else to confirm it, give yourself that validation first.

🚀 The more you practice this, the more natural self-validation becomes.

Your Challenge This Week

Next time you feel the urge to seek reassurance, pause and ask yourself: Is this something I actually need external validation for? Or can I follow these steps and trust myself instead?

Self-trust is the foundation of confidence. And once you learn to validate yourself, you stop needing the world’s permission to move forward.

Let me know in the comments—where in your life do you seek validation the most? And what’s ONE step you can take today to start self-validating? 

If you’d like to hear me go deeper into this subject, don’t forget to check out the Empowered Within Her podcast here